Self Worth

Self worth–noun
the sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect.

Self worth is something I have been trying to figure out for a while now. The concept of self worth sounds so simple, but really, it's not.

Turns out that people base their self worth on a number of things: appearance, wealth, relationships, efficiency at certain tasks, academics, career, health,etc.

Turns out these have nothing to do with self worth.

Confused? Yeah, me too.

It seems so logical. You base how you feel about yourself and your status as a human being by rating yourself on certain things. If you excel at these things, your self esteem goes up. You're awesome, and your feeling of self worth rises. If you are "failing" at all of these things, you feel like less of a person. You feel worthless.

The problem with attaching your self worth to your accomplishments (or, more commonly, your failures) is that no one has the same scale. What is beautiful to me may be ugly to you. So, I think you look great, but you think you look terrible, and, of course, what you think is ALWAYS more true than what everyone else thinks (not really) so your self worth falls. You will feel bad and worthless when you focus on your weaknesses, and this may cause you to avoid those situations in which your perceived weakness is highlighted.

How many times have you rated yourself on your accomplishments? I touched on this in the paragraph above. People are more likely to focus on the negative - their weaknesses or perceived weaknesses. Why? Self defense. Fight or flight. If you rate yourself on your grades, even a score of 90% can bring you down. In the big picture, a 90% is awesome! But you expect more of yourself. You think if you are not smart, how will you get ahead in life? That's the self defense - you're looking out for yourself - or at least you think you are. Or, let's say you perceive yourself as doing pretty awesome at life - you have a good job, your financially stable, you look very professional on a daily basis, and you have good relationships. Then you fail a test. Do you focus on all of the things you are doing well? Generally not. You focus on your weakness and your self worth plummets.

There is also the alternative to this - although I perceive it as being more rare. There are people out there who think they have greater self worth than others. They believe they look better, they're smarter, they have a better job, they are handling their money better, etc. Their self worth is through the roof! The problem with this? They are ignoring the fact that there are other people on this planet who, although different from them, have worth. Also, they're super narcissistic and annoying.

OK. So, we've defined self worth. We've discussed how people generally rate their self worth. We've discussed why rating your self worth based on certain things is a misconception of truth. So then the question becomes - how do you rate your self worth?

That is the part I have always had trouble with. I get everything else. It all makes sense. But then it needs to come full circle. What gives a person self worth?

Simple.

You're a person.

That answer used to drive me crazy. So, what? I'm just supposed to feel good about myself because I'm a person? If any of you have tried to accept that thought as it is, it's really hard.

But last night, I got it. Good old analogies!

When I work with dogs at the shelter, I do tend to pick favorites. I generally prefer to work with the dogs that respond well to me and are able to bond with me on a certain level. However, that does not mean that I think less of the other dogs. In fact, I think each dog at the shelter is equally valuable. Each dog brings something different to the table. Each dog evokes a different emotion in you and challenges you in a different way. Each dog is valuable because it is a living creature who impacts your life.

What about the "bad" dogs or sick dogs that have to get put down? I've never been able to 100% accept euthanasia. Sure, I get that some dogs are terminally ill and it makes more financial sense and it is more compassionate to put them down. I get that some dogs are too vicious to adopt out, and there aren't the time or resources to correct the dog's behavior. Are these dogs bad? Are they worth less than the well behaved, cute, healthy dogs?

Not to me - and not to a lot of people who have trouble accepting euthanasia. They are still dogs. They are "bad" or sick because of their circumstances, not because they are inherently less of a dog. Each one still challenges you. Each one still teaches you. And each one still impacts your life. Each dog is valuable.

Apply that to people. Yes, you tend to like and bond with certain people over others. But does that mean that all of the other people are not as valuable? No. You still donate to charity to help the poor. You still love your kid who failed a test. You still love and support the family member who lost their job - you recognize the inherent goodness and worth of the person separate from their circumstances.

THAT, my friends, when applied to yourself, is self worth. Self worth is unconditional self acceptance (USA! USA!) because you realize that you are a valuable human being. You were put here on Earth for a purpose. You have an impact on everyone you meet - and that is worth a lot.

So yes, if you want to, you can rate certain things about yourself. You can motivate yourself to excel in your career, and you can create a scale to determine exactly how you will measure your improvement, and when you succeed, you can feel proud and accomplished. But you must keep this separate from your self worth because regardless of how well you do in the work force, you are still a valuable human being.

Unconditional self acceptance - the understanding that you are valuable to the world even if you have weaknesses. This is a challenging concept and one that takes practice. This does not mean that you can't work to improve your life or strengthen the areas in your life that you would like to strengthen. It just means that you must be gentle with yourself. You must be compassionate to yourself as you would be to the lowliest creature. You must give yourself time.

Think about it.