Patience is a Virtue

This past week, I have been dealing a lot with patience. I have recently set some major life goals for myself, but waiting to achieve them/working towards them has really been testing my patience. I want them now.

Patience: A minor form of despair disguised as a virtue.
-Ambrose Bierce

I've taken a step back to look at why they are causing me such distress.

1. I have wanted these things all of my life and now that I am married and have a good job, I can finally see myself achieving these goals.

2. While these goals are achievable where I am now (physically and monetarily), the future holds an uncertainty - as in, "Where will I be living in two years?" "Is it the right decision to start fulfilling these goals now?" "How can I fulfill my goals AND my husband's goals together without one of us sacrificing too much?"

3. A lot of people I know are achieving MY goals right now. It's frustrating to watch my life happen to other people.

Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.
-Guy Kawasaki

So, what do I do?

I wait. I test my patience. I break down my huge life goals into little pieces and focus on what I can do now. Turns out that there is a lot I can do now to prepare for the future. I can help the people who are currently achieving the goals I want to be achieving - by doing this, not only am I learning what I need to know for my future, but I am being useful and helping out. Joy over jealousy is challenging, but it's surprising how once you get the hang of it, everything feels SO much better.

You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.
-Stanislaw Lec

So here I am, waiting. Being patient. Learning all I can. Fulfilling small goals. Helping those who are working through big stuff in their life. Doing every little thing I can to bring my big goals closer to fulfillment.

Besides, life is not about achieving everything in a snap. It's the journey that makes life interesting. It's the things we learn. It's the patience we acquire. It's the way we cope with frustration and jealousy. The journey makes us strong. The journey prepares us. The anticipation of the future is exciting, but if we had it all right now, what would we do with ourselves? That would be too easy.

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

What's Cooking?

The Ronald McDonald House of Ann Arbor is located adjacent to Nichols Arboretum. You can see our Gateway Garden and the Peony Garden from their dining room windows. Occasionally, parents and parents or children will come walking through the Arb, but usually they are too busy attending radiation treatments and surgeries.

Last fall, one of my fantastic co-workers signed us up to cook dinner once a month for the Ronald McDonald House. Since we are there neighbor, and a relaxing resource for them when they have the time to visit, she thought it would be nice to make a connection. Since then, the second Tuesday of each month, a bunch of us get together to provide a healthy, well-rounded, home-cooked meal for the families staying next door.

Dinner is served promptly at 6:00 pm. We gather in their newly rennovated kitchen - we all suffer kitchen envy - at 4:30 pm, and start cooking. Sometimes we make everything there, like on pizza night. Other nights, we come with food prepped the night before that just needs to be baked. Either way, delicious smells waft through the house, creating a cozy sense of home - something many of these families miss.

We have met many families going through rough times, but I have yet to hear despair. I'm sure some of the families leave with one less member than they came to Ann Arbor with, but I have not witnessed this. I have only witnessed the hope, the patience, and the love of the families as they wait for surgery and treatments to come to an end.

This summer, before we started cooking dinner for the families, I met a little boy (18 - 24 months old) and his dad. They came through the Peony Garden for a few days on end. We chatted and it turns out this little boy needed heart surgery. One day they didn't show up in the garden. We waited and waited, hoping the little boy would be OK. A few days later, the dad dropped by to let us know the surgery was a success and they would be going home the next day. Yay!

In November, I heard of a family who had just had twins. I hadn't been able to help cook this night, but the story was relayed to me. One of the babies was perfectly healthy. The other was in the hospital, waiting for a new heart. In December, I was able to attend our dinner night. I met the family with the twins. The healthy baby came to dinner with them, sleeping in Grandma's arms. The other was still in the hospital, but had received a new heart. They would be able to go home for Christmas as a complete family.

This week, I met a 4-yr. old who had cancer. It was one of his last nights in Ann Arbor. The U of M hospitals have done pretty much all they could for him, and he would be transferred to the Mayo Clinic in a couple of days. His mom did not despair. She sounded hopeful as she made him a plate and tended to his needs.

Cooking dinner for the folks at Ronald McDonald House is something I hope we can continue as a staff. Not only does it provide excellent staff cooperation and bonding, but it helps our neighbors. In this dark time in their lives, it takes off the pressure and responsibility of having to feed their family. It provides them with healthful, home-cooked food that they can enjoy.

I highly encourage all of you to make time to help those in need. Whether it's the poor, the hungry, or the highly stressed. It allows you to take a step back from your life and put things into perspective. It makes you slow down and appreciate the little things. You don't have to do a lot. You can just bake cookies. But whatever you do, it will amaze you how profound of an impact you can make in someone else's life.

Sleep Hygiene

For the last six months or so, I've been battling severe daytime sleepiness. Often times by 9:00 am, I'm ready to go back to bed. Obviously, this makes the rest of my day extremely difficult. By 2:00 pm it's a struggle to stay awake. Getting out of work at 4:00 pm is a relief - I made it through another day! But then the rest of my life rushes up to meet me, and I have very little energy to respond.

Cooking, something I thoroughly enjoy doing, becomes a chore and as been restricted to nights when I have nothing else going on. It is my singular nighttime activity. It's sad. I know.

Yoga, another of my most favoritest things, becomes increasingly difficult to get to. By the time I'm done, I'm ready for bed!

The cause: unknown.

I have suspected for a while that it is the resulting side effect of a medication I have been on. So, I went to the doctor to switch it. We agreed that eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep were key in feeling awake during the day. I do all of these things. He said to exercise more and try this other medicine. Question: how do you exercise MORE when you can hardly keep your eyes open at 9:00 am? It's a challenge. Let me tell you. He also did routine blood work to make sure I didn't have a thyroid problem and that I wasn't anemic. The blood work came back normal, and after three months of being on the new medicine, nothing changed. I went back to the doctor and said, "Hey, this didn't work!" Want to know what he said? Trust me, you do.

He said, "Hmmm, let's keep you on this medicine for a while longer to see if anything changes. Also, try to exercise more."

That was it.

Bravo!

Anyway, I went to a different doctor, switched meds again (higher dosage of what I was previously on)- which has helped my energy level increase a bit - and got some more advice. Apparently, I have "poor sleep hygiene".

What is sleep hygiene? Sleep hygiene is good sleep habits. Getting up and going to bed at the same time every day. No naps during the day. No caffeine past 2:00 pm. Sleeping in a dark, quiet room, uninterrupted.

It makes sense, right? After chatting with this doctor, who has been very helpful in numerous ways - so I'm trying to go along with what he says - I realized how poor my sleep habits have become. It's actually kind of embarrassing, which is why I am not sharing them here :)

Here's my new plan:
1. Wake up daily at 6:00 am
2. Exercise for 15-20 minutes in the morning
3. No naps!
4. No caffeine past 2:00 pm
5. Exercise 30 min - 1 hr in the afternoon/evening
6. Go to bed at 10:00 pm
7. Sleep in my bed, in a dark, quiet room

It sounds simple, yes? I've been trying to do this since Thursday. How have I been doing? FAIL!

Thursday night I slept on the couch with the TV on.

Friday I had coffee at 2:00 pm (it was delicious and I wouldn't change that) and fell asleep on the couch at 9:00 pm.

Saturday I had coffee, took a nap, AND fell asleep on the couch before 9:00 pm.

Today, I was up at 5:30 am. Step 1 = success. I can work with this! Today, I WILL follow my new sleep rules.

I know it sounds silly, but I'm really at my wits end trying to figure out why I am always so tired. At this point, I'll try anything. Even if it doesn't work, it will be good to have my body on some kind of normal routine again.

My next doctor's appt. is on Feb. 23. We'll see if upping my exercise and sleeping better helps - if not, well... let's not think about that :)

How much is that googie in da window?

"Come here Kaylee!  Come on!  Come here! .... Good girl!... Leave it... Leave it... Gooooood girl!  Sit!  Siiit... Sit.  GO!  GO GET IT!"

This is what you hear over and over in the dog play yards at the Humane Society of Huron Valley (HSHV) where I've been walking dogs for just over a year.  It's been a roller coaster of a ride.  I've experienced pure joy and heartache.  I've gotten covered in mud and bitten.  I've been snuggled and licked.  Despite everything that's happened, each time I go in to see my doggie friends, my heart beats a little faster, and I have to reign myself it so I am not running down the hall to see them.

This journey into the world of animal shelters began in the winter of 2008.  A dear friend of mine's sister had found a stray cat in a dumpster.  "Fluffy" and he was later called, became a fast friend to everyone he encountered.  He was an excellent snuggler, and a cute little guy.  I was called in for cat sitting over the Christmas holiday from school.  It was then I noticed he was sick - coughing, snotty, loose stools, super skinny.  This poor little guy needed to see a vet!  So, I scheduled him an appointment with my vet, and my friend as well as one of our mutual friends came with us.

We found out that Fluffy was still a baby - just over a year old.  He had a bad ear mite problem and an upper respiratory infection.  Because he had come off the streets and was in such bad shape, the vet decided to to a Feline Leukemia test.  As we sat in the room, waiting for the results, we kept telling ourselves he was negative. He would be fine, and we'd get through this.

Unfortunately, we were wrong.  The test came back positive.  Poor Fluffy had a terminal illness.  The best option at this point was to euthanize him.  I have always been against animal euthanasia unless it's a seriously severe case.  With Fluffy, we could have gotten meds to fix him up.  He could have lived in a single cat home with this disease until it took him.  However, he was already so sick, he was not my cat - I had a cat, and thus could not nurse him back to a "healthy" state at my apartment - and we were all college students - how could we afford a sick cat?

That afternoon we put Fluffy down.  We stayed by his side and petted him as he went to sleep.  It was a horrible day.  Both my friend and I felt so sad that this had to happen.  How could people just leave animals out on the street where they can get so ill?  How could we change things so that these animals didn't have to suffer?

It took me a year, but finally I got into the HSHV volunteer training program.  I knew I couldn't help every animal.  I didn't have the time or the means to do so, but I could help THESE animals.  These animals that had been surrendered or abandoned or abused - I could do something for them to make their life a little better until they found new homes.  I found solace in this.

After a rigorous training course and 10 hours of cleaning duty, I graduated to the next level.  I could be a "Cat Cuddler" or a "Dog Walker".  This was a tough choice!  I am definitely a crazy cat lady.  Everyone knows it.  However, I've been wanting a dog for way too long.  So, I figured since I had cats to cuddle at home, I would be a dog walker to fulfill my need to have dogs in my life.  It worked!

It has been SO fun to meet all of the new dogs, get to know them, spend time with them, and help get them into new homes.  Each dog has a unique personality and needs.  It is SO fun to play fetch in the play yard, to chase and be chased, and to snuggle up together for a good petting session.  These are the good days.

Every now and then it gets rough.  When all of the kennels are full, when all of the dogs are barking, when a dog is shaking in the corner - those are the hard days.  Those poor dogs!  It makes you angry, and it makes you wonder.  How come there are so many homeless dogs?  How can people just give up their 10 year old dog because they're moving - don't they even consider how the dog will feel?  How can people box up two 50 lb dogs together in a super tiny crate and leave them on the side of the road?  How come we get TRUCK-LOADS of unwanted dogs from the southern states?  What a horrible ride that must be for them on top of their emotional loss!  These are the days I don't want to be there.

You can't think about it.  You grab the leash and walk.  Walk walk walk.  It's all you can do.  Get the dog out of the chaos and have some fun.  That's the only thing that makes you feel more hopeful.  When the dog's tail comes out from between it's legs and starts wagging - when they begin to prance - when they chase the ball and bound back to you smiling - that makes it better.  That's why I go.

I have not met a bad dog.  Yes, there are difficult dogs, but there are no bad dogs.  Each of these dogs is deserving of a wonderful home.  They've been through so much, and the visitors don't often seem to realize that.  It's frustrating.  But if you can get the dog out of there and into a good home, even if the visitors don't realize what they're doing when they adopt - it makes you feel better.  The dog has a chance.  It will all be OK.

It's been sad to see some of my favorites leave.  Scrappy, the pit bull/ Great Dane puppy - who I bonded with last winter- got a home after 6 months of being the shelter.  I missed seeing him every week, but I knew I didn't have to worry about him anymore.  Donnie and Marie - the pits who were in the crate by the side of the road and refused to walk their first day at the shelter because they were so scared - they've got homes now.  Their huge pit smiles can shine on and bring joy to someone else.

This is Baby Zac. He's been at the shelter since he was 2 months old. He's 4 months now, and I'm wondering how much longer he'll be with us...

To meet all the other googies visit http://www.hshv.org/AdoptableDogs

I've learned so much!  I've learned how to handle a rough pit bull.  I've learned that euthanasia is an unsavory, yet necessary practice, and I've come to terms with it.  I've learned patience.  I've learned joy.  I've learned sorrow.  But most of all, I learned what I could do to help.